The Crazy Life

Mental Illness is not a joke but the results can vary as comedic relief for those around you… Think alien schemes… Think Conspiracy themes… Think fiction can be reality… Eve Met Adam and had linear babies… Jesus and Mary Magdalene….Sasquatch and a Zamboni???? Well you get it. The concept of mental illness needs to be explored by crazies themselves… Like in the Classic Dudley Moore film Crazy People.

The mentally ill character of Dudley Moore, Emory Leeson, has started to use the other patients in the asylum to come up with colourful ads for products. “Ferrari for the man that likes hand jobs.”…. I guess you can’t get laid the seats are to small… Or you get slapped…. Hand me a tissue… Divorce? You decide…. Get it?

There are many things that come to mind when you consider the term Crazy. DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) defines the illnesses… But do they really exist? I mean we have no litmus test for mental disorders… You can’t draw blood and tell… No EKG can tell… No MRI can see, no matter how thinly we slice the brain. We simply know that there is a chemical imbalance… Neurotransmitters outta wack.

Dopamine, Serotonin, Neopinephrine, Epinephrine, DOPA, Tyrosine, and Acetylcholine are the known neurotransmitters… There could be thousands more for all we know. We at this point in time, October 27th, 2020, know little about the human brain despite gaining knowledge in leaps and bounds. Through continued research and development we wil one day understand the brain to the point that we can cure mental illness.

For now we can understand it from a crazy person’s perspective… Realize what crazy is to crazy people. For now I’ll explain what I see, from my perspective alone… My personal version of crazy is different from others. The main hallmark of mental illness is the psychosis: Hearing and seeing things others may not. Like in The Sixth Sense where the child, Cole Sear, sees and hears ghosts… Spirits of the dead.

Of course, Cole Sear is dead himself, and somehow remains to be a coherent, breathing child, sort of the missing link between life and death. He has undergone a traumatic experience early on in life and now sees the damned. He is bewildered by what has happened and does not understand. It frightens him but he goes on the best that he can. In this case his psychosis is seeing and hearing things.

Some voice hearers have internalized voices where others have externalized voices. Others yet have a combination of the two and stand a greater challenge in ridding themselves of their voices and risk the side effects of stronger antipsychotics. Some can be harsh and include weight gain, high blood cholesterol, high blood sugar, and flu like symptoms like vomiting and diarrhea.

The medicine I’m currently taking is a SSRI or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. It’s main goal is to block the reuptake of serotonin in the brain and flood the brain with the calming effects of serotonin that reduces stress levels and relieves depression. There is an association between low levels of serotonin and depression but nothing has been comfirmed. Low serotonin levels are also associated with increased aggression andthat is why SSRIs are a supposed useful antipsychotic treatment.

In my experience of taking the fourth prescription for an SSRI the elevated level has done nothing to quell the psychosis… I still hear voices and see things… Hallucinate even though the newest Maxima Ambilify attempts to curb dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is thought responsible for the positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia including voice hearing.

I’m told by the doctors in my life, and other research I’ve read on the internet, that the onset of schizophrenia MAY have been brought on by long term usage of Marijuana. I was a chronic user for 20 some odd years and never heard voices or seen things till I STOPPED smoking due to poverty. Dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter affected by THC and as a consequence I became moody and depressed after I quit. In my experience THC combined with CBD usage results in replacing sleeping pills, antidepressant medication, and curbs my psychosis but still I can’t find anyone who will believe me.

I was told by my psychiatrist that the organization they belong to does not condone or believe in the usage of Marijuana and must take the side effect laden drugs to continue receiving my disability funding. Think Joker and his nine pills at maximum strength… I’m headed that way but I won’t bash peoples heads in… I’m too depressed for that from the weight gain, high blood sugar leading to diabetes, and the high cholesterol leading to a reduced diet.

On a humorous note I also feel like the gorilla in Planet of the Apes with one eye who aggressively rattles his cage then darts out a hand to receive his medicine so he can eat. One day I’ll break out and fight humans after I learn to talk for myself and can shape my words in a meaningful way… When I carry a club-like-gun I will be listened to… Joking 😉 More like club-like-tongue.

Published by Robert LT Jonasson

I have one novel being edited, 5 more flushed out, 56 short stories, and 530 poems. Please take the time to explore and get to know me through my writing.

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