Day Nine

391 Balmoral, Winnipeg

The End of an Era

Now off work and just starting CPP Disability I was left to wonder… WHY? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? HOW? WHO? I didn’t understand… I stand up just to get knocked over again.. This time the wind was taken right out of my sails… Rather permanently… I have not worked since. At least I could still some how write… And I drafted the book… Whether I ate or not… I drafted… Whether I showered or not… I drafted… It was weird… I could write… Not live life. I wandered the neighbourhood looking for butts… I had several places to check and was usually fruitful in this endeavour. I would occasionally come up aces and someone would offer me a dart… Just one cigarette was like dying and going to heaven.

After a time I put aside the book and just wrote poems again… I started a book called Orange Limousine. It was about the public transportation in Winnipeg and featured a few retrospective pieces about my own experiences with the transit system. Again I could write and learned that Hungry Man meals were the way to go for a crazy man’s budget… $2.50 a meal and I ate one a day… Maybe two… Not much but I didn’t have an appetite… I could smoke weed though… That I liked… I dreamt of it becoming legal as the talk had started. I did it secretly… I said nothing… NOTHING! I KNOW NOTHING! I found I was better when I smoked as the voices would die out, but I had to get crafty and smoke randomly… I was fond of smoking it all at once and I couldn’t afford to get high 24/7. If I was predicted my enemies would conteract the effects and stop the benefit from coming by digging in deeper during, before, or just after smoking… FUCK THEM!

Five years after moving in… Three and a half after quitting school and ESSO I had to move back to my parent’s house… I couldn’t hack it anymore. I did however learn alot about flies… I became Lord of the Flies… I had more pets then Tigger. They were numerous and to a crazy talk-to-flies-sort-of-guy they agreed to not over do it… maybe 7-12 at a time. They had a hierarchy… Dominant male and dominant female stayed on the light near the switch and would on occasion demand to have it dimmed, turned off, or turned on… The lower ranking ones would congregate near the light itself. I guess this shows symbiosis or control of myself.. the human at their will and pleasure… NEAT HUH?

They slept on the ceiling in unobvious spots and would wake when I got up… I left bits of food and different drinks for them all the time to sample… Not being dirty just crumbs for them to eat… They never bit me or harassed me… I often wonder what led up to them dying out… I think Beelzebub and Moloch and Lucifer got involved and convinced them that the males were more important and they killed off the female larva so the species dies out… I remember seeing small fruit-fly-like-young flying around and then there would be none… I don’t know, but they were my friends.