Day Ten

2510 Portage Ave, 360 Cumberland, Winnipeg

Smoke, While You Got It

I moved back to my parents place at Pinewood Place up on Portage Ave in St. James and foudn it different from the last time… I could not be alone in the room I once occupied. There was a new element… Two twins… They also resembled Beelzebub… At least I think. They lived on the first floor in the same building and did Beelzebub’s bidding… They used to come through the window open/closed any time they wanted… They kept me haggard and confused… Not good. There was also a young guy living in the neighbourhood, another of Beelzebub’s chosen. He used to talk to me and talk down about me continually… Of course the fighting was constant with my mother… My dad kept to himself but he had problems of his own.

Cancer free for twelve years… Lung cancer reappeared and went metastatic to his brain… Chemo and Radiation sessions later he was weakening again. I was screwed up but tried to help out… I HATED IT THERE. I payed $350 room/board a month and could afford weed and I had gotten a legal ticket, but my mother didn’t believe despite telling me to get the ticket. I felt more relalized without their pressure, but they wouldn’t leave me alone. I was constantly supervised by my parents and I DESPISED THEM. I did a lot of the house work and didn’t receive any break in rent for this and indulged in my once a month treat of Skip the Dishes when they’d go to the club… They despised me for this… My mother told me I was wasting my time writing… Constantly criticizing me for breaking up the family, so she said… I couldn’t take it but had no where to go… Till I convinced them to let me apply for government housing… and I did… I wanted Thompson but knew it would take a while… Still to this day I haven’t heard from them… I haven’t cancelled but still no word.

Finally there was my mother’s knee operation and that was more struggle as my father was deathly ill during that time… I was left to care for two infirm adults while crippled mentally… FUCK ME HARDER! But we got through as a team… We managed… We pulled it together and had peace for my father’s sake. He was almost admitted to the hospital that time and had a bad lung infection… On top of it my elderly Great Aunt was approaching the last few months of her life and they had to care for her while she lived in Grand Forks. They had to travel south often to keep her affairs in order as she was mixed up in monetary matters. They dreaded leaving me alone continually trying to tell me that I was going to get into trouble when they left… I WAS A FUCKING GOOD BOY THOUGH!!! Yes… Frustration but I tried to see their point of view… I think my mom hears voices too… Generalized ones that point to someone and say things… Not seeing who they point to… And thinking of me… You get it yet?

Anyway… I was left alone and tried my best… But Attila the Hun of mother was General Dictator Supreme of the Empire… LOL. She was too strict and I couldn’t take much more but still no housing… by now she wanted me to check with EI for more money… I still don’t know why… My dad once told my doctor that they spent $350 on food for me in a month!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! I HATED AGAIN!!! I wanted to die if I couldn’t leave… but it’s still humour to them… yeah… humour. Finally I pissed her off one day and she called CRC… Crisis Response Centre… FUCK THEM. I went to Eden and got boob growth juice changed to drown in you saliva juice… then changed to shit in your pants juice… FUCK ME!!!!!! Still I was destined to leave their place… No longer a home to me.

While at Eden I found a new apartment called Red River Pointe owned and operated by Avenue Living… YEAH!!! SALVATION!!! AFFORDABLE!!!! WEST END!!!! CLOSE TO UNIVERSITY!!!! Giant Tiger three minutes away… NoFrills eight minutes away… Portage Place 5 min away… A liquor store… Three convenience stores in the area… HOW FUCKING LUCKY TO BE ACCEPTED RIGHT THEN. I don’t know… I might have gone to stepping… Al the fucking way to Iraq!!! OR India!!! Maybe Africa for my cat… Maybe I did, just to get away… They I wake up there again the next day… but now SALVATION.

The day I came to sign the lease they told me there was still a one bedroom available and I had asked about a bachelor… FUCK IT! The voices acted up and convinced me to take the single bedroom… 913!!!!!! Here I am as of August 4^th, 2020! MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! Well and my cats!!! I overlook downtown from here and look out over the Cavalry Temple across Cumberland Ave…. I see the Giant Tiger out my window… I see the god damn fireworks at the forks!!!!!!!! HOW FUCKING LUCKY! I could afford the rent, internet, and food… DAMN! By January there was a sale on cable with Shaw… I hit pay dirt… $85 for Internet 300 and 115 Channels… That I could afford too… Life was looking up… Looking good for a change… I’ve found another Gem… Not really better then University Manor… Oh No… Not even for the Elevator that’s constantly broken… but because of the three Elevators that I can take my groceries up in instead of trip after trip up three flights of stairs.