Day Thirteen

360 Cumberland, Winnipeg

Loops, Linearity, and Enactments

I have a feeling that there are circular experiences that start as tangent points to my linear existence. For example some days I seem to go to bed and wake up thinking that I have been looped through a circular existence as myself or what I’d dub an enactment while I slept. Most of the time the loops are as myself, as the enactments are more then willing to take centre stage and I will on occasion look different in appearance then is evident to others.

The loops may open and close simultaneously, may open before closing, or may close before opening and the results vary depending on how they open and close. Knowledge may be made available before training is given, experience may be used before the loop has even been started, or trauma from injuries you expect to take may be delayed until the loop closes. For example, go fight in World War II tonight and not really remember until 10 years from now so you can mentally prepare for the trauma of shell shock.

Anyway, I have a feeling that the government grabs me in the night and loops me through the wars just to take the traumas that are common place to soldiers in the field… This I don’t mind as it seems to help reduce the strain on others who find themselves in such a predicament. For example I would loop as a nameless soldier in Vietnam just to die from a gutshot to reduce the chances of being gutshot, or to reduce the pain associated with a gutshot.

As a reward for helping the governments with this sort of thing I get to have enactments as other people that run linear at different points in time. None of the ones I do look, sound, or act like me. I was not wanted by humanity so having enactments who look like me will probably just cause them to be hated right from the start.

I have memories of dying sometimes multiple times in one night in various wars through simultaneously open and shut loops. The results were fatigue and a little soreness, but I felt useful for a while… Like I was needed. Turns out I’m just being used…. Used like a slave. Here take all the punishments away… Help solve all teh problems and we’ll drive you crazy linearly to boot.

Yeah, as soon as you start to heal… Society will laugh as Beelzebub, the Devil, and Moloch drive you crazy again… Thanks for helping, but your not so smart for having thought you could have had something in life… Something like a piece of fucking bread… Oh yeah… Eat a sandwich and the voice of Moloch gets upset. Anyway I see my time in Manitoba will someday end…. It’s futile to live here where people treat me like shit for helping.