Day Twelve

360 Cumberland, Winnipeg

The Beginning of Comprehension

The start of something has led to the uncovering of how I have been marginalized in life… Their trinity has surrounded me and kept me hassled all these months while in my new place. Coinciding with my parents visiting… Imagine that… My parents… They try to come off as my mother and father. It’s as if they are in charge of my mother and father somehow… Masks? Like Halloween costumes? Maybe they intended to fool most people… Can’t fool all the people all of the time.

I figured it out, and maybe even my mental health worker has figured it out as well… Beelzebub charades as my mother and the Devil charades as my father…. Not sure if the third impersonates me… Oh wait… I’m sure of it… Moloch tries to come across as me. He had people fooled for a while. I was convicted in a parallel life as a pedophile and sentenced to jail… I would not admit to it and wouldn’t shut up about how the underworld was falling prey to the three of them and forgot what they where about… Forgot about what they started as.

Eventually I was beaten to death multiple times… 27 in fact… Then tied up in a chain and dropped into a sump pit and left to drown for thousands more times. When I was found it was too late Beast had been born and in this life I had started to turn against Christians and disowned their grand underworld army. In that life I exist as Gog… The one who had died so many times to violence and had so much damage to his jaw that he could not pronounce the word G-o-d.

Reborn right at the juncture of where I commit suicide and may have potentially frozen to death, right before I said fuck life and it’s misgivings… Fuck our society. I had to make a choice I had made before… In this life I stayed out of crime and gave up on living in Bowes Trailer Court… I moved in with my parents and went to University… At least tried instead of going off the deep end when I couldn’t die and fighting back through gangs and selling drugs.

Beast was born due to a cat coming along and deciding to live with me… Remember I was all alone by now and had nothing else. At first I took on the traits of a feline and slowly let go of humanity… As me and her started to enact – become other wild creatures of various species – I slowly took on their traits too. Since she was negro inside we used to come up with new animals to populate Africa… Gorillas… Honey Bears… Warthogs… Giraffes… etc.

Only now in retrospect do I understand where the cat came from… She is the one I was meant to be with… The Goddess to my God… The Eve to my Adam… Hera to my Zeus… Frig to my Odin… etc. I still look forward to meeting her human form, not just her feline enactment. Maybe not all of them but I’ve been with her for 13 years now and have enacted so many animals that it feels like she is my soul mate.