Day Eleven

360 Cumberland, Winnipeg

Looking Back Reflects on Reality

Now that I am safely here in 360 Cumberland I can look back and reflect on life’s passing for the last 17 years or so. The voices started back then and were for the most part controlled by weed. Now that I can’t smoke or possess weed at my new crib, I wondered what will happen… Bah, I’ve been through this before… I know what to expect.

The first couple of months were fine, then I noticed that after my parents visited I was more agitated and again couldn’t sleep, eat, or concentrate much. For a while I thought I was home free and I would heal, but then the voices started to plague me again as if it was too good to be true… As if I was about to succeed and Moloch, Beelzebub, and the Devil seen teh need to start again.

Through several months of wasted time and inability to write as well as I had gotten used to I figured out that the voices had changed… There were two new players to the game. Two twins had joined the party and were haunting me as I tried to design a website about Winnipeg. They were complemented by a third… Beelzebub… and then I figured it out, they always work in threes… The Sirikan Snake of Bushido.

Like the mythical snake with three heads you must strategize to be attacked by the other two heads as you struggle with attacking one of the heads. You attack the right head and the left and centre heads will respond. You attack t he left head and the right and centre heads will respond. You attack the centre head and both the right and left heads respond.

From experience the best way to get at a system like this is to employ similar to back you up. But I am solitary… A singularity… I do not have the luxury of dragging people into what they do not want to do. I do have friends though, just not in a conventional sense… Animals… Insects… Birds… I befriend them out in the wild and they look out for me. I give them food, shelter within my home, protection from their enemies, etc. These trinities can be just as hard to break… Even harder to figure out.

Back at University Manor it was always Beelzebub, the Devil, and Moloch…. Now it’s those two twins… The ones reminiscent of the movie Spy Kids… I had the feeling that they were spies… Maybe CIA. They taunted me night and day telling me that they could do it all better, they knew more, they wanted to help but they had to instantly be in charge and have control of all of it despite having never met me.

I had friends like I said… I won’t be broken, just bent a bit, and that saying is reminiscent of getting even… Fighting back. At first I tolerated the shit they did to me… Taunting… Keeping me awake… distracting me while cooking… screwing my concentration when I tried to write but then I snapped and started to get even.